Home.

God has given me two “wake up” calls in my life that truly shook me. This is my phase two. In this one I’m learning (not perfectly, but it’s still amazing to me) to be a morning person (yeah you heard right, #miracle), to fast, to balance my life, to be honest when I hurt and allow myself to feel emotions and not live by them, to check my heart every morning, to sing (and I mean belt it out, no instruments) in public places, to choose Him when I need it, to give up, to crave, to dig in, to praise and worship and laugh through tears …It’s beautifully terrible (haha), beautifully painful, and so beautifully worth it.

In this phase, He is in the process of resetting my heart, because it needs it. I’m learning balance is hard and it isn’t just within 24 hours. A well balanced person by the world’s standards is a multi tasker. The one who gets it all done and it was the standard I set for myself.  I’m learning it’s ok to not do it all and I love choosing to spend my free time with Jesus singing and laughing and falling in love with Him instead of fixing the best dinner or getting in more gym time. Balance needs to be spread throughout the week. It’s not about making sure I complete 10 things all in one day, it means maybe I complete all 10 or maybe only 8 of my 10 things over the course of a week. He is my number one and everything else falls at number two. Everything.

I’ve talked a lot about transition with Jesus lately, because I’m in one. Right now my “home” is a room full of boxes, and I don’t know where anything is. Since the house is under some renovation and I can’t unpack even if I wanted to, God is teaching me when I open my Bible, wherever I am, that’s Home. He’s all I need, and that is the excursion I’m on. In the midst of transition I see this picture of myself standing in what looks like Times Square. It’s a time hop video where I just stand as the people and cars and world and the weather whirls around me for hours, turning from day to night back to day. In the midst of chaos, or turbulent waves, I can keep my eyes on Him and that’s how you sleep in the storm. That’s how you walk on water.

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I was walking downtown last week and the little girl, whose family I’m living with, grabs my hand and looks up at me. She starts sharing with me about how much she wants to see Finding Dory and what she is looking forward to as they leave their home, friends, and life here. I saw this beautiful, eager, brave, bold, little girl loving without abandon or hurt. I felt her little fingers hold mine, life coursing through her veins. She glows with Jesus’ radiant joy. And for a second, I saw what Jesus sees when He holds our hands and walks with us. He cares about what you love. He cares about what makes your heart come alive, whether that is a verse, a mountain, a sunset, laughter, a Disney film, or all of the above. He’s a good dad, who wants you to tell Him all the things in your life with eager, childlike wonder. I’ve tasted Your goodness and I want nothing else. Nothing. I took a sip and now you might as well call me crazy. Life is too short, to not spend every second exploding with what I have in me.

Why give anybody else, the glory.Why give anybody else, my praise.Why give anybody else, my worship.Why give anybody else, my days.

He is worth it all.

I don’t know what you are walking through. I don’t know what you are feeling, but I know you have a dad who is pursuing your heart each step of each day. I know how real that is. I know that whether you are climbing mountains, slaying beasts, fighting to hold on, sliding down the mountain side unsure of when the bottom will come, or walking through the valleys in between. He is with you. He knows what your favorite flower is, He knows what stirs your heart, He knows what makes you uniquely you, and if you look for it you’ll start to see how He is pursuing you wherever you are. He is with you whether you ask Him to be or not. He is with you before you “make it”. He is with you when you don’t have a home address, He doesn’t need it to find you. I’m praying for His eyes for us. That we may see the things He sets out for us. That we would notice His heart for others. That we would see people how he sees them. Pray that we learn to balance our hearts and lives with Him first, so we can be the peace in the storms around us.

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