Last Friday, I woke up 7:36, because Thursday I turned all my alarms off and went to the gym at 5 am, not my norm. 😑
At 7:36, already there isn’t enough time and I haven’t even gotten out of bed. Even if I left right then, in my PJ’s and a messy bun, it’s impossible to get to work by 7:30 like I wanted. Hello Friday. Not a great start. I wake up and already have this feeling of lack resting on my shoulders. I feel as though it starts to transfer into the rest of me. If I’m not careful, pretty soon I’ll realize that I didn’t get enough sleep, I have a huge list of tasks to complete before the end of the day, and on top of it my allergies stole my voice. It makes me feel like I’m not a good enough employee, not working hard enough, not able to be enough for the people I encounter and before you know it my day is defined by the things I feel I need more of. It becomes defined by what I lack. And it’s not even 8am.
God shook me that morning while waiting for my coffee to brew (because no matter how late you are, there is always time for coffee, just sayin’.) What do you do when you wait; you sing. And psalm 23 pops into my head.
“The Lord is my Shepard, I lack nothing” Psalm 23:1
God nudged my heart, tell me something you are thankful for. A small smile crossed my face. Almost 8 am, I’m waiting for my coffee and smiling because God is reminding me to look at the other side of this. He speaks truth into me. And just like that I start listing out loud with the only voice I can muster, which sounds an awful lot like a tiny gremlin, the many things that I’m thankful for. No matter how well put together I am some days, no matter how pretty my words may or may not be, or how great that photo looks with this or that filter, no matter how hard I work; I have bad days. It’s real. It’s true. And even in the midst of times that I’d rather not encounter I find that God’s got grace for that.
I need to give myself a little grace.
I’ll make up for my time at work. I’ll get my work done, because I’m a hard worker and a good employee. I’ll do it and I’ll do it well. I’ll also share that life is full of days that try to tell me I’m not enough. Whether that’s at work, at play, in relationships, at just plain random everyday life. There are times I tend to lean towards wanting to compare myself. Feeling I need to put my best foot forward, always. I feel we are told don’t step out unless you are the best at it. But it’s important to remember comparison stomps out contentment and joy. Insecurity kills intimacy. Not enough, it’s fear. And he’s a liar.
My home isn’t magazine ready. I have a pile of laundry I need to put away, half of my belongings are still boxed up, I’m using boxes as computer desks and nightstands. Martha Stewart’s making gourmet meals and I’m over here frying eggs. My organization skills could use improvement, to say the least. The worlds nailing it and I’m “nailing it”. I know you’ve probably seen the failed Pinterest attempts claiming nailed it and know exactly what I mean.
I could be more artsy, creative, smart, free, happy, OR…I can be content. Because what good comes from feeling like I’m in lack?
One day at a time. God has been transforming me since day 1, since my first breath. I’m a better person than I was 25, 20, 15, 10 years ago, or yesterday. He loves me, and in that, I begin to see how I am in His eyes. Beautiful, lovely, captivating, delightful, smart, free, spunky, creative, happy, in progress, and yes enough. Always enough. And so are you. Created to be enough, just as you are. Let this sink into your bones, your heart, your soul. And sing this over yourself, your children, friends, and loved ones today.
The Lord is my Shepard, I lack nothing. – Psalm 23:1