About a week ago I put together my new bed. You think when you purchase a bed that it will arrive put together, but this one did not. I guess It feels good to look at something you put some work into. I almost threw in the towel and just returned the thing, since it’s been such a pain to get this far. After I put it together though, I slept on it and it didn’t collapse. Which is an accomplishment in and of itself. Yay!
You see God has given me a home for the last however many years of my life. I didn’t even realize until recently. Somehow He has never left me no matter how crazy or ridiculous I’ve been. I could not be more thankful.
I’ll be a little transparent and vulnerable with you all. I don’t have the words yet to talk about some of the hurts and pains of what I’m walking through at the moment, but one day God will give me the words and the call to share them.
For now I’ll just share this, I like adventure, a lot, so I’m more often ok with the exciting call to go than I am to stay. I am content in life, and love the big and small moments, but I also will never stop going towards dreams and a life of full, adventurous living. One of those small dreams (call me a girl) was that I’d meet this amazing guy and when we got married we’d pick out a place to live and we would spend some amount of time “camping” in the living room without furniture, because we wouldn’t have any. Maybe make a fort out of blankets as ridiculous as that might be and just laugh, because you may never be in that same opportunity again. Maybe even put tiny glow in the dark stars on the ceiling, or plain throw the sleeping bags out back to sleep under the real ones, because YOLO. I believe God gives us the desires of our hearts, but sometimes they look different than we thought. So when I moved this past June, I spent the first few nights sleeping in a sleeping bag in the middle of the floor soaking in the beauty of “camping” in my living space. Because it has been a silly dream of mine. This was by choice I could have done something else, but God whispered to my heart. So I decided to step into the adventure lover I am and quit waiting for someday, because I’m afraid of spoiling something that may or may not happen. No matter how big or small the adventure, because God created me to love these silly moments, God’s calling me to take it.
Recently though I bought a bed. That is a big deal for me. I might have to move it or get rid of it one day. Furniture when you aren’t in a place you will stay seems more like a hassle than a benefit. But God’s teaching me what it means to stay. To grow some roots even when you feel afraid, see He showed me that in my mind if I have no possessions or pets, it’s so much easier for me to pack up and go, right? Easy to move if needed, embracing the fact that I’m not tied down.
However, settling in isn’t settling and it most certainly doesn’t mean I’m tied down.
I still hold things of the world loose, but it doesn’t mean that I keep nothing so I can leave whenever unattached. That is a false sense of freedom, and it’s powered by fear. It would also never happen. I get attached to people I encounter and share life with. I get attached to places I fall in love with God in. It’s ok to be attached. When it’s healthy it simply means I cared and loved well, that I loved right where he planted me. God is teaching me that gaining roots means I can dig into what I love, right where I am, thirsty for God to take over in that place wherever that is.
The truth is that beautiful souls create beautiful spaces wherever they are.
And that doesn’t mean stuff, it means I cultivate an environment of vulnerability and acceptance. It means that I focus on the internal heart and it externally changes this place. This is where God is leading me.
Break to break open, not to fall apart.
My heart has been in a state of hurting, and that makes it hard to care about anything else, but recently God has been talking to me about new, fresh beginnings and with that came everything I own in white, and I started to like the simplicity in my heart mirrored in my external environment, because God is doing a new thing, and I’m going to give him the whitest canvas to paint on.
Even if what you love is just all white everything, all the nature you can soak in, and a passport. The adventures grow from here and they will range from funny stories about changing batteries in smoke detectors, or lessons in mowing the lawn, to meeting new people and hearing their stories, to getting on planes to explore the great unknown and everything inbetween. The truth is the older I get the more I realize how much and how little I need roots.
See God can use me either way and He can use you too, but there are moments in our lives where He teaches us to grow roots and stand planted, and when He teaches us to go get up and move your feet because you can’t stay here. Both can be just as painful and just as beautiful.
God has given us a gift friends and it is so much more. We have the ability to dig deep where we are, in the lives around you, everywhere you go. God is doing a new thing in each of us. He calls us all differently, but it’s beauty all the same. Maybe you feel afraid to do something bold? Maybe you feel afraid because you aren’t being asked to do something that looks or feels bold, but rather to stay, or stand planted. Look for your opportunities around every corner. Don’t be afraid to tell your stories if you feel drawn too. Don’t be afraid to break open. Connection brings us all closer. I cherish your stories and I haven’t heard them yet. Feel free to message me if you feel drawn, because I’d love to hear them. Share, connect, grab coffee. 🙂
More to come friends. This is just the beginning.