I sat in a place I’ve sat many times and realized I was withholding the very thing I’m created for. To love. Love when your scared. Love when you don’t know the outcome. To hope for something. To dream a little bigger. Make God bigger than all the other things. It’s His rightful place. I talk about it all the time, yet needed desperately to make it personal this morning. And so on this ridiculously warm morning, I looked at my life and realized how easy it is to put up a wall in defense of the unknown and not even realize it.
Pretzel legs and hands open, I repented.
I sang these simple words.
“Unreserved, unrestrained, your love is wild Your love is wild for me.”
That’s what we receive…and it’s what I’m called to.
Just like that she let go.
With ink passing over clean spaces.
Strong, sharp inhale. Slow, shaky exhale.
A hum lightly in the background. Fear rushing out, as the unfamiliar pushes in.
She let go.
Of the girl everyone thought she was. In her stillness, she let go. It wasn’t for show. It was for her soul. It was for every decision she made by holding on for too long. It was the reminder that you are more than your physical self and the thoughts that circle.
The slow, drawn out sound of scissors by careful, steady hands.
It was a bold stirring of the heart to change and to not be stuck on the familiarity of being what someone else approves of, including yourself.
Hum. Buzz. Snip.
Inhale, sharp. Exhale, slow.
Without a sound. Eyes closed. She let go. One unsteady breathe at a time.
Opened her hands and gave every ounce of her heart, for the hope that the best is yet to come.
Day 5 was the culmination of our trip. Race day! Waking up to a dark, cold morning (4:00am) in Jackson to run 13.1 miles in these mountains.
It was hard to get started. It felt like everything was working against me. Had a small moment the night before where I felt so defeated, but thanks to awesome friends and the resort hot tub, I kicked those thoughts to the side. Weather was chilly for sure, my muscles felt slightly tight, it was so so early, we felt frazzled. My odds weren’t feeling ideal to finish or finish well.
Once the race started though, it felt pretty good. I had what felt like my groove. Ran with friends, made new friends, and kept moving praying that my muscles would warm and I’d be able to finish.
Hip update. Hips were so good. Barely any pain until mile 11. I had to walk most of the last two miles…BUT I finished a half marathon! At altitude, with a hip I didn’t think could do it in the time I had. And next to the most beautiful mountain range.
God spoke to me through so many things in the past month, and here I was with tears in my eyes watching these beautiful mountains cheer me on. I couldn’t contain them as I ran towards the finish line! 6 months of healing, or therapy, small amounts of training and I just finished my first half.
I could not have picked anything better. These girls. These mountains.
When I found my friends at the end, hugs and tears…more hugs, were all I had. Happiness is an understatement. Joy. Pure joy.
Praise Jesus for miracles!
Day 4: Into the Tetons
Friday morning was the calm before the storm in the Tetons. We’d get to meet them! Hike into them and find out just what they might have to offer us. Over the last year I’ve heard over and over not to rush through them. Like the rest of this trip, they did not disappoint us. Vast. Massive. Impressive. Mighty. All of these words have new meaning after this trip. I’m more in love with the mountains than I even knew. They are breathtaking, though some might say it’s the altitude, I know otherwise. Mountains are my love language. I literally am at loss for words. Just thankful that my eyes have the opportunity to see something this beautiful. In every sense. The sun reflecting off lakes of water, the jagged mountains covered in snow, the evergreen forests, the grassy plains. The fresh piney air in my lungs here. You can’t have a bad view here, every direction I take a photo thinking nope this view is even better than the last.
We grabbed coffee and baked treats in Jackson at the cutest little bakery called Persephone and found our way through the city of Jackson before heading into the park.
We drove into Grand Teton National Park and oh my. My, oh my. It’s magnificent. Whether it’s the fact that everything is flat and then all of a sudden huge 13,000 foot mountains rise up, or maybe something else all together.
My heart sees something about these mountains it understands on another level. It relates to how hard the trek can be, it relates to the beautiful views from the top or maybe just along the way. It understands feeling tired, worn out, achy. It understands that it’s not always easy or great, and sometimes you start scanning every which way checking for bears or snakes or mountain lions oh my. It’s like life. We prepare and we try to make plans but around every corner something new, amazing or scary, presents itself.
At the end of the day, God has blown me away. He is amazing. He got us here on a dream. And we sat on the dam at Jackson lake knowing in basically twelve hours we were running that dream. 13.1 miles, with this incredible view. The mountains as our spectators.
Friends…chase after what you love. Make sure to make time and save money for things in your life that take your breath away. It’s so easy to get caught up in the grind. To get stuck in the rut. To rationalize that it’s too much time or money, but I’m here to tell you it’s possible. Chase it. Pursue those heart eyes. Your dream might not be running through the mountains, or even mountains at all, but chase it. And never forget it’s worth it.
(We hiked Jenny lake, taggart lake, and Bradley lake. We sat at oxbow bend and the dam at Jackson lake.)