A Future.

Why do you not dream of the future?


My voice in my head is so good at speaking up until it’s asked a heart wrenching question.

…maybe I don’t believe I have one.

Maybe I sit in my chair and think this is my space. This is my box. These are the corners. I can stretch my arms out and know that it’s safe. Tomorrow is just today repeated. Just a collection of todays…

Isn’t that such a constricting, limiting thought? No growth. No change. No improvement or movement.

Stagnation is an epitome of Hell.


On cold mornings I actually love to sit outside consumed in an oversized, fluffy blanket and dream. So this morning the surprise of snow was just a love note. I close my eyes and breathe in the aroma of my coffee and remember journaling outside a café in Denver before heading to the top of Pikes Peak. The cold bite of air, partnered with the sound of pen to paper fresh in my mind. Looking down to see a stain on my hiking boots from the day before in the Rockies.

If you asked me to dream, it would be of mountains. The crunch of gravel under foot. Slight sweat as I assess the best way up a tough part of the trail. The soft chatter of my best friends not far ahead. No set in stone schedule day to day. Just the heart drawing you to places where you come alive. The views that draw your heart out in the form of tears. A heart that’s untamed by the thoughts of what should I be.


John 10:10 comes into play because God’s been throwing it in my path now for weeks.

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” (ESV)


I always focus on the first part of this verse. Watch out for the devil he’s gonna try to steal, kill, and destroy you.

But you see the end is the part we should focus on. The God end of the bargain.


I (God) came that they may have life. (and not just any life) Abundant life.


Focus on God and He will uphold His end of the bargain.

Abundant life is a promise to you.

No future, huh?

Just a collection of todays, you say?

Well watch out then. Because I never waste one.



It comes in so many forms, and maybe the most dangerous is the one we hold it in our hands.





Glowing in our faces. In the most intimate areas of our life, when we are by ourselves, it shines in our eager eyes.

This past weekend I realized something while scrolling social media, and I had to stop it.

I follow a lot of fitness people on social media, yoga mostly and a few others. I tell myself it’s for ideas…which it is at its core. I noticed a common thread and decided it doesn’t come into alignment with my beliefs.

Many fitness people post photos wearing little and sometimes no clothing.

Here’s my beef. I don’t workout to post photos in near to nothing as proof of the gym or the reason for it.

I’ll be transparent here. I go to the gym quite often. 5 days a week. I’m pretty dedicated to it. And here’s why…I enjoy it. I actually enjoy spinning, barre, yoga, weights, Tabata, TRX, running, climbing, hiking, cardio…yes all the cardio, and most everything inbetween. I don’t do any of those things for the soul purpose to lose weight or staying at my current weight. (I don’t even own a scale, for good reason.) Progress is NOT a number.

I like sweating at the gym. I like feeling accomplished, and honestly a little sore. Without the gym I suffer from insomnia about once a week or more, which is actually one of my biggest physical reasons for going. I have too much energy, and I can drive everyone insane. But it actually started because I found in college it was one of the only ways I could study well. One of the only ways I could be focused in on one thing. (For those who don’t know I’m most likely ADHD. And oh sweet sleep. That too.)

Now I realize that liking the gym might be the minority, but there are a lot of ways to do fitness. I encourage you to find one you enjoy, it helps a lot. I won’t lie, I enjoy seeing my own progress…measured in what I can do, maybe it’s more squats, more weight, or a difficult pose I’ve been working on for months. Sometimes it’s just by the fact that the next time I do it, I’m not sore after. Maybe it’s because I see a muscle I was told I had and never knew what it did. Maybe that means I can run a half marathon, or I can run after the sweetest little kiddos in my life, but not JUST how I look. Yes, looks can be a result of working out, but don’t cheapen your progress to just this.

Here’s my point. In a completely innocent desire to find new workouts and moves, I found that I compared something I love with everyone else’s highlight reel. I have been bombarded. I started to feel like what I did wasn’t enough. I must be a sad yogi if I never get my feet off the floor regularly. If this happens to you, I’m going to urge you to try something. One word.




I most likely have undiagnosed ADHD. I have asthma. I have psoriasis, on my face nonetheless. I don’t have a killer six pack. I have high cholesterol. I have cellulite on my backs of my legs. My skin has a mind of its own sometimes, and it can make me self conscious. I still get breakouts from time to time even though I’m almost out of my 20’s. I still can want all the foods that are bad for me, and also like really weird things that are good for me, like beets and spaghetti squash. I don’t know why. The point is we all are a collection of things. I don’t know your battle. I don’t know what you are going through, or what you’ve been through. I’ll never claim to, but I have my own no one else lives out but me. I can’t just live like the social media feed. My life and fitness will look different than everyone else’s life and fitness. And that is ok. Social media sometimes can make me think there’s only one win here, but there are so many wins that people don’t mention. Like one extra push up, your first push up on your feet, or your first push up ever! A one mile run or one more mile. Keeping up with your kids or your grandkids without running out of breath, and most of the world will never post those on social media. Those wins might be more ground shaking than all the inversions in the world.

It gets comfortable. Like your favorite worn in, ripped up, faded jeans. Like the softest cotton tee shirt you sleep in. Don’t let yourself get to that level of comfort with your soul and social media. When we are by ourselves we are so much more likely to talk down on ourselves. When we aren’t actively aware we are more likely to buy into what we see with our innocent eyes. The full set of abs on a person, who may never have struggled with weight, or sickness, or skin conditions, or loss, or whatever it is in your heart that you’ve encountered. This isn’t proof that you’re failing, because you aren’t where they are. The moment I start telling myself I should start doing yoga everyday just because someone else is, is the moment I’m doing it for the wrong reasons. I’m not meant to do yoga just because someone else is. I’m meant to do yoga because it gives me more ability to be who my soul is designed to be, if it does.

I’m not saying you can’t look at social media or that everyone you follow isn’t motivating. I’m just calling out something I see. If it makes you feel less than. If it makes you feel crumby. It’s not life giving; it needs to go. We don’t get enough time to spend any of it wasted on feeling less than who we are.

Always more.

I sat in a place I’ve sat many times and realized I was withholding the very thing I’m created for. To love. Love when your scared. Love when you don’t know the outcome. To hope for something. To dream a little bigger. Make God bigger than all the other things. It’s His rightful place. I talk about it all the time, yet needed desperately to make it personal this morning. And so on this ridiculously warm morning, I looked at my life and realized how easy it is to put up a wall in defense of the unknown and not even realize it.

Pretzel legs and hands open, I repented.

I sang these simple words.

“Unreserved, unrestrained, your love is wild Your love is wild for me.”

Reckless love…

That’s what we receive…and it’s what I’m called to.

Ending in 8.

Just like that she let go.

With ink passing over clean spaces.

Strong, sharp inhale. Slow, shaky exhale.

A hum lightly in the background. Fear rushing out, as the unfamiliar pushes in.

Closed eyes.

She let go.

Of the girl everyone thought she was. In her stillness, she let go. It wasn’t for show. It was for her soul. It was for every decision she made by holding on for too long. It was the reminder that you are more than your physical self and the thoughts that circle.

The slow, drawn out sound of scissors by careful, steady hands.

It was a bold stirring of the heart to change and to not be stuck on the comfort of being what someone else approves of, including yourself.

Hum. Buzz. Snip.

Inhale, sharp. Exhale, slow.

Without a sound. Eyes closed. She let go. One unsteady breathe at a time.

Opened her hands and gave every ounce of her heart, for the hope that the best is yet to come.

Running the Tetons. 

Day 5 was the culmination of our trip.

Race day!

Waking up to a dark, cold morning (4:00am)  in Jackson to run 13.1 miles in these mountains.
It was hard to get started mentally. I felt overcome with fear. It felt like everything was working against me. Had a moment of defeat the night before, but thanks to awesome friends and the resort hot tub, I moving forward despite the negative thoughts swirling in my mind. The weather was chilly for sure, my muscles felt tight, it was so so early, we felt frazzled. My odds weren’t feeling ideal to finish or finish well.

Once the race started though, it felt pretty good. I had what felt like my groove. Ran with friends, made new friends, and kept moving praying that my muscles would warm and I’d be able to finish this thing in one piece.

Hip update. Hips were so good. Barely any pain until mile 11. I had to walk most of the last two miles…BUT I finished a half marathon! At altitude, with a hip I didn’t think could do it in the time I had. And next to the most beautiful mountain range.

God spoke to me through so many things in the past month, and here I was with tears in my eyes watching these beautiful mountains cheer me on. I couldn’t contain them as I ran towards the finish line! 6 months of healing, or therapy, small amounts of training and I just finished my first half.


I could not have picked anything better. These girls. These mountains.
When I found my friends at the end, hugs and tears…more hugs, were all I had. Happiness is an understatement. Joy. Pure joy.
Praise Jesus for miracles!


Also I ended up with a mild case of altitude sickness post race. I forgot what was happening for a while. (Nervous laugh)

The other side funny story to this day was when Kelly and I skipped a hiking day to go to a Wyoming hot spring…it was a tiny disappointment. Since the water was as warm as the resort hot tub we felt a little let down after driving 2 hours and finding we could have stayed at the resort pool and saved ourselves some driving time. But you live and you learn. We did laugh about it. 🙂


Day 4: Into the Tetons
Friday morning was the calm before the storm in the Tetons.


We’d get to meet them! Hike into them and find out just what they might have to offer us.


Over the last year I’ve heard over and over not to rush through them. Like the rest of this trip, they did not disappoint us. Vast. Massive. Impressive. Mighty. All of these words have new meaning after this trip. I’m more in love with the mountains than I even knew. They are breathtaking, though some might say it’s the altitude hitting you, but I know otherwise.


Mountains are my love language.


I literally am at loss for words. Just thankful that my eyes have the opportunity to see something this beautiful. In every sense. The sun reflecting off the perfectly transparent water, the jagged mountains covered in snow, the evergreen forests, the grassy plains. The fresh piney air in my lungs. You can’t have a bad view here, every direction I take a photo thinking nope this view is even better than the last and then turn around and think it again.

We grabbed coffee and baked treats in Jackson at the cutest little bakery called Persephone and found our way through the city of Jackson before heading into the national park.
We drove into Grand Teton National Park and oh my. My, oh my. It’s magnificent. Whether it’s the fact that the land is Kansas flat and then all of a sudden 13,000 foot mountains rise up in your path showing you just what that looks like, or maybe something else all together.

My heart sees something about these mountains it understands on another level. It relates to how hard the trek can be, it relates to the beautiful views from the top or maybe just along the way. It understands feeling tired, worn out, achy. It understands that it’s not always easy or great, and sometimes you start scanning every which way checking for bears, snakes, or mountain lions. Hh my. It’s a lot like life. We prepare and we try to make plans but around every corner something new, amazing or scary, presents itself.

At the end of the day, God has blown me away. He is amazing. He got us here on a dream while eating salads. Today we sat on the dam at Jackson Lake knowing in twelve hours we were running that dream. 13.1 miles, with this incredible view. The mountains as our spectators.

Friends…chase after what you love. Make sure to make time and save money for things in your life that take your breath away. It’s so easy to get caught up in the grind. To get stuck in the rut. To rationalize that it’s too much time or money, but I’m here to tell you it’s possible and worth it. Chase it. Pursue those heart eyes. Your dream might not be running through the mountains, or even mountains at all, but chase it. And never forget it’s worth it.


(We hiked Jenny lake, taggart lake, and Bradley lake. We sat at oxbow bend and the dam at Jackson lake.)

Road to the Tetons. 

Day three of our adventure to the Tetons was an eight hour drive to meet their incredible wonder.
The funny thing is I received a text from a friend along the drive who was being silly and said that the journey isn’t about the destination, which is true, but the literal drive to the Tetons has me thinking of the mental journey that’s gotten me here.

I wish I could express to you without being overcome with emotion how God planted this dream in my head through my sister first, and then my friends and family. Almost 9 months ago in a little restaurant downtown Lexington I tried to get a group of girls to entertain this idea of running a half marathon, not in our backyard, but in Wyoming. (PS we aren’t runners.) and here we are driving through Wyoming to actually run it.

Kelly and I made our trek out of Colorado to Wyoming listening to country music and talking about all that life has brought our way in the past few months. Laughing, feeling like we’ve lost our minds to altitude and maybe a little bit to sugar high, we somehow didn’t completely lose it on our 8 hour drive.

Reflecting on the mental preparation for this race is more than difficult for me. It’s not pretty. It doesn’t sound or look inspiring. It’s not clean neat lines. It’s defeat. It’s pain. It’s hopelessness. And tears. Too many tears. Good thing my friends and family are rockstars.



Over a month ago I sat in a physical therapists office feeling like I couldn’t run this race. It didn’t matter how beautiful everything else was. All I could think about was hip pain when I was trying to train.


I wasn’t suppose to run more than 1 or 2 miles and even that was at a walk/run pace. How in the world was I going to finish 13.1 miles in the time alloted? That’s all I could think. It was overwhelming.


BUT there’s also faith. Hope. And the goodness of God that shines through even the worst situations.

I know life could be worse. I know I have it good, but defeat and hopelessness and hurt try to make their way into your life and no one is immune to that or excused from it. Those things will try and try and try again.

Eating BBQ at bubbas and dipping our feet in our hot tub was the part of the start to our welcome to the Tetons, but this trip is going to end with breaking our fears. Breaking mental barriers of what we thought we couldn’t do…and in all that we are coming out of this place better than we went into it.

So thank you for this push. All the people who’ve contributed and supported. Life is meant to be lived to the fullest, even when we don’t feel we have it to give.